Red Laser BBQ 3

If, like me,  your into chattin shit and dancing to amazing music you aint heard before at a party there will be a few factors that will make the soiree that extra bit special. Quality sound system. Nice mix of positive, up for it people and great DJ’s really help the whole vibe but then add the whole head fuck of  being in a brilliant and unusual place at the same time! YES! That always really enhances the experience. This is when you feel “Wow! This is something special”

Being in the courtyard of Kro for the last 2 Red Laser BBQ’s I bet the majority of the DJ’s and dancers had this thought cos I fukin did. I’ll tell ya straight and you can ask my missus Emma cos she’ll tell ya as well we made fuck all on the last one and Emma had to endure an agitated promo knob for two months. But the event was such good fun me and Matt are doin it all again.  Some good news is Luke Murray is in for the ride as well relieving some of the stress which will now be distributed between 3 instead of 2 middle aged burnt out party heads. To be honest we could get a sound system half the size and cash in some nice profit but fuck that, the set-up is a DJ’s dream and it makes the BBQ a shit hot party to play at. If the DJ is buzzin ya gonna get the best of him or her. So imagine getting the best of Will Tramp, Ste Spandex, Moonboots, Jason Boardman, Wes Cutloose, Geoff Leopard and El Dee, Randy Marsh, The Disco Mums, Mikey Donn, Johnny Ab Stract and myself Il Bosco all in one fuck off intimate outdoor underground sophisticated mash up.

For the BBQ3 out go El Diablos as unfortunately they have their Birthday Bash on the same night with a cracking guest. And also Back To Basics who I will be convincing to return for the August BBQ. Instead in comes

Night The Living Dread DJ Mikey Donn – FUKIN LEGEND.  Most people know Mikey as a Reggae expert and selector / DJ but people like me who have known him a long time know he’s been collecting all kinds for years and can easily kill any other DJ with Disco, Boogie and all other kinds of Red Laser related shizzle. He’s a brilliant DJ full stop.

The Last Waltz lads in Newcastle run a night called DADA. I have been a few times and it was fukin brillos everytime. These nuts can go allllllllll night gee. Suppose its in the genes if your born in the North East! They always play music I never heard that keeps me dancing . I have to refrain from constantly mithering the fuckers “Whats This fukin track ar kid??” They are smashing it with their music productions and Last Waltz record label as well releasing on various other underground labels including Tusk and Futureboogie

Bohemian Grove is defo doin something amazing in Manchester right now and resident DJ Johnny Abstract has been an inspiration to Manchester DJ’s for years. Experienced, talented and understated he’s definitely one of Manchester’s most influential and underrated DJ’s. He will be sourcing from a vast collection of Detroit and Chicago house, techno and a world of other dance music from all over the globe. A real pleasure to get this guy and Bohemian Grove involved.

And the rest of the lineup is the same as last time. All back to smash it up!!!!

Wear dark shades to look at Spandex’s garb and someone monitor the amount of Guinness Kwasi throws down his neck! 

See ya down the front Kids! Bank Holiday Sunday May 26^th Kro 1 Oxford Road

For event page and details click "HERE"

Il Bosco

Unsung Heroes - Promoters

Just before the last Red Laser BBQ event i was running around Manchester wackin up posters like an fly on wizz and I bumped into the promoter of quality Manchester party Hoya Hoya. Jonny Dub has been around Manchester doing his thing for a good few years and has been a driving force of Music and Arts events in the city so he knows his shit. He was hosting an arts event with painters and music and kids could get involved taggin trains in a controlled environment. Good practice for my lads artistic future although it might be an idea to include 3^rd Rail awareness in the workshop (Joke). It was nice to take a well earned break and my stress subsided as I could talk with someone who could sympathise with my chaotic, impending event date situation. After a brief catchup we inevitably ended up talking shop and it wasn’t long before I was on about how much  I “HATE” promoting. Jonny immediately burst out laffin while saying “Me Too! It does my fukin head in”!

The Disco Mums and Kwasi smashing up the Roadhouse afterparty 

Crazy BBQ action. The place was packed and bouncin

Most promoters I know hate promoting. Especially promoters like me who are getting on a bit. Its defo a young mans game! The amount of effort versus risk just doesn’t add up. I liken the whole situation to a woman’s perspective of child birth. If the result is good the pain disappears instantly and euphoria erases all memory of the months of shit you have just been through and the cranial busting stress of the event, but when the result is bad it can put you off going though it all again forever!

The reason I do it is cos I love DJing. If I didn’t make my own party and book myself to DJ I would hardly get offered any fukin decent gigs at all! It seems Andrew Weatherall gets all the gigs that I want. He mustn’t believe his luck being one of the only cross genre DJ’s that big promoters are willing to book because their scared of not putting on a crowd puller. To be fair he’s earned it though. But promoters of festivals and established clubs should grow some bigger bollocks. There is an unbelievable amount of talented selectors on the doorstep that I enjoy seeing DJ but rarely get to.

 I realize just how much I love DJing a great party when I weigh up the effort.  I tried to do this by asking myself six simple questions that sprung to mind at the time of writing.

To DJ at a great party would I –

·         1 -   Suck another mans penis even though I’m hetro? (Er.. Nar)

·         2 -   Run a marathon? (Fukin well too much effort. I'd rather suck a mans penis)

·         3 -   Pay good money for the privilege? (I aint payin to play any fukers party. My pride would not ave it)

·         4 -   Let a girl put a dildo in my bum hole? (No chance. One way traffic ar kid)

·         5 -  Embark on a pride swallowing siege by carrying a headline DJ’s records, collect food of his choice,       pickup his laundry and let him use your head as a skin up tray? (I feel like ive been here before…)

·         6 -  Run around like a headless chicken for two months with stress levels reaching pressure cooker status putting up posters wherever you can  and handing out flyers to people who want to spit on you outside clubs at all hours of the night while bleeding money then on the day of the event wait with excruciating anxiety while people trickle through the door all the time keeping a smile and being attentive to your DJ guests needs then at the end give your DJ guests the same amount of money that you lost on the event then spend that amount again getting fucked trying to convince yourself it will be better next time? (BINGO! Add this effort to the question above and you got a deal!!) I must be fukin mad!!!

First in, Last out is the simplified story of every underground promoter. Truth be told, and I have said this plenty of times before, “Promoters are the true unsung heroes of the underground music industry”. The effort that goes into putting on a good party is phenomenal. Running a record label is a fuckin doddle in comparison.

Nothing pisses me off more than seeing a Guest DJ that appears ungrateful for a good party. Yeah ya know the ones that are getting paid hundreds, even thousands of pounds, and they still swan in late or just as their about play, then finish and want paying immediately and taking back to the hotel cos they cant be arsed with you or your friends. So they fuck off without even socialising or thanking anybody for their time and effort. A few names spring to mind over the 15 years I have been putting on parties. Yes Questlove of The Roots you’re a cunt. Mark the 45 King – You’re a cunt. Nicci Cheeks – Your dead to me. Giles Peterson – You bathe in your own self importance but really you’re just a lucky twat. And that’s just a few that I can think of. There have been plenty of others

Also It fucks me right off that underground promoters are completely overlooked by the mainsteam music press. I blame a lack of passionate journalism. It seems any young fuck wit thinks he can write about music these days and if he or she has a mate at a major blog or local rag then their in there repeatedly writing about the mainest streamest crap to secure their free tickets. I rarely see passionate investigative journalism and a real effort to uncover what’s happening underneath the shit that floats on the surface of Manchester’s local music industry (Manchester Evening news take note)

But there is light in this post. This is because there are great parties happening all around. The Disco Mums returned gobsmacked from Back To Basics in Leeds which is a night that has been around for time and by all accounts is still an amazing party. No Fakin are still doing their thing in Liverpool. Bad Passion in London. Yes London! Its not all clueless fucks with tongues to big for their mouths and middle class office workers on working class cocaine! (Even though ive never been my trusted London friends have sung its praises and its defo on my hit list) And Manchester is boasting a fantastic time for underground clubbing  at present with umpteen great underground parties covering  Italo, Boogie, Acid House, Disco, Hip Hop and others. All these nights have a promoter or a team that run around for months before the party so the next time your there watching a guest DJ think of the poor bastard that lost a few years of his or her life trying to make it good.

Looking forward to playing a great party. Trust me you should make the effort to go North East

Another belting doo is DaDa. DaDa, ran by the Last Waltz crew in Newcastle was one of the best parties I had attended in years and me and the mrs made the journey back up to Newcastle from Manchester not long after the first visit due to the fantastic music policy from its residents and its amazing “right up for it” crowd. And since those first meetings both myself and the Last Waltz lads have been busy developing our own record labels, parties and music productions and now I find myself being invited to guest at their next party on Sunday May Bank Holiday. The event is an all dayer at legendary venue The Tanners which is celebrating 15 years in the game. For me this will be reminiscent of the Pub Raves I used to do in Manchester a few years ago which were pretty bonkers. There’s something special about a party in a pub. I fukin love pubs me :D

Promoters I salute you (Daft bastards)

Il Bosco

What About Record Shops

Before starting  to write about record shops I was certain (without evidence) that the top ten highest paid dj’s in the world would probably not be seen dead with a new or 2^nd hand vinyl in hand. So I typed in Google “Top ten highest paid DJ’s” and it brought up Forbes’ official list for 2013. Coincidentally it matched my top ten most smegma riddled bulbs of 2013! All the usual muppets were in there. Deadmouse, Guetta, Swedish House Mafia, Skrrllxx (I don’t know how you spell it but you know the cunt I mean. Someone please stick him back up the vadge of the horror show of a woman that bore him.) Anyway as predicted not one fukin picture of a record or a turntable. 10 Dj’s all with laptops and a few of those were covered in diamantees! “FAGS!!! “(I apologise for using that word. I usually avoid saying 'diamantees' but i am aloud cos I have a gay brother). Again this is not a rant about laptop DJ’s. Its about DJ’s that have no interest in owning or promoting vinyl culture and there accompanying artworks.

Record shops are one of those places that will be missed when there gone. And most of them will be gone if the buying culture doesn’t change or the shops don’t get smarter in how they make money or market themselves. So called superstar DJ’s have a responsibility to use their high profiles to encourage people to own and appreciate records and artworks. Anyway at the end of the day owning vinyl has its advantages. I tried to ease the pain of a distressed work colleague who had been collecting music on hard drives for years. There was a flood in his house and his computer was ruined. The good news? He had it all backed up……. The bad news? Backup drive was under 2 feet of water. ha ah ah aha ahaahahahahah :D  Now if that was vinyl the only thing ruined would have been the covers. And even they can be dried out and still work.

 

Sometimes I hear the problems a younger generation have that want to buy into vinyl culture. The main issue being the cost thing. "Records cost money init!" Well records weren’t free 20 years ago dick nose. One day when I was 14 I took my birthday money to the city centre and bought 5 rave records. That was the start of my collection. Now at 38 I’m still popping into my local record shops on small exciting journeys of discovery. Anyway if you spend wisely and look after your records it could actually be worth a lot more than its original purchase value. Especially these days as many small labels have seen releases double in price in less than a month! If you bought a Red Laser EP1 for £7.99 three weeks later you would have to pay £19.99 for the fucker 2^nd hand. So records are actually becoming a canny investment. In fact records are the new Stamps. I mean who collects stamps anymore  anyway? A load of old blokes? They'l all end up dead and the stamps they paid £20,000 for will be worth fuck all cos nobody will give a shit.

 

The great thing about the internet isn’t the free unlimited supply of badly sounding MP3’s, its the access to millions of tracks you would have never even had a chance to come across before the web made the world one big music library. I stream mix tapes online for free and watch you tube vids n that but if something grabs me I save up some doe and buy a hard copy of the fucker. You never have to buy a shit record again.  

 

Another problem i have come across is people see how many records you have after 24 years of collecting and want that many right NOW!!!! They give up before they get started because of the thought of the amount of effort they may have to put in to obtain that amount of vinyl. Well here’s the fukin lowdown ar kid. Having 50 thousand records don’t mean shit if only 100 of them are any good. Some of the best record collections I have ever seen have been only around a few thousand strong with maybe even 600 of the most amazing records in that one place. In the words of DJ Randy Marsh “All hitters and no shitters!!!” The  size of a collection doesn’t mean fuck all. It’s the quality of your purchases. I don’t need piles of non descript jazz records that I will never play again! What’s the point of 2000 hip hop records all trying to sound like DJ Premiere and doing it badly. So over many years I have been culling my collection to make it compact and full of concentrated bangers. Check my discogs for currently selected sale items. Ignore the bad seller rating for false gradings and unsent records

 

Anyway after todays long rant heres some record shop info. If you’re ever in Manchester ya just gotta check these out

Piccadilly Records

Oldham Street Manchester - Ace variety of new and old. Bespoke labels and one offs in abundance. Put aside half a day for browsing the shelves

Beatin Rhythm

Tib Street Manchester - Amazing 7” goldmine. Funk, Soul, Northern, Girl Bands ect.

Vinyl Exchange

Oldham Street Manchester - Anything goes at great prices. The shelves are always packed. Sweet prices too!

King Bee Records

Wilbraham Rd Chorlton, Manchester - Suburban Record bliss. Dirty, dusty and packed full of cheap bombs. Unmissable!

Eastern Bloc

Stevensons Square Manchester - Long standing institution supplying the best electronic music from around the globe as well as local artists. I was buying records here in 1989!

Il Bosco

The Invisible Designers

Poster designers are like club promoters in the fact that when it comes to pinning down what made an event great an attendee will always remember the DJ or live act fondly and not even think about all the other contributors that made the whole experience satisfying. Having been a club promoter for 16 years and passionate about club nights i have seen quite a lot of shite posters in my time and i have liberated some belters

                            Robbed this at least 7 years ago.

Soulful folk bar jam The Devils Jukebox always pay attention to detail

Just like with pretty much anything you can think of in life there’s always more shit than good. Check out the charts. People say that years ago the charts were a lot better. Truth is theres always been loads shit in the top 40 but up until the late 90’s at least there was a wide variety of shite unlike today.Take Dubsteps recent chart takeover. Dubstep artists must be fukin gutted at the pop chart rape of there once underground scene. I get a bad vibe every time I see that pubic midget Skrillex and even Talyor Swift’s new record is Dubstep influenced for fucks sake. The problem is shit is three quarters hit making shit addictive. Anyway where the fuck was I? Right… yeah Lots of crap yeah,,,,,  but every now and then a diamond glistens in the river of poo and you grab it quick style!

                       

Eyes Down's designers consistently smashed out                                  quality imagery (circa 1999)

(below) One of the best posters i saw in Manchester ever from C'mon Feet

Grabbing beautiful club night posters off walls full of biz is what iv been doing for years. When i was doing my Friends and Family promo time ago around Manchester if I walked into a café or bar and saw a great poster I would pull the fucker down, replace it with mine and take it home. Paradoxically an advertisement is sometimes too good to advertise. If your poster lasts only a few days on a wall it’s a good sign you did a great poster

                            Killer detail on this circa 2004

The good posters come in different forms. Sometimes great humour, sometimes great art. The posters that have more emphasis on great art and design have always been the ones that seem to stand the test of time as often the humour is current and will date quickly. It has been good to see many of Manchester’s quality underground club nights really pay attention to getting the artwork right. Recently long standing Balearic institution Aficionado did a beautiful poster design to mark there birthday and made it available to order so people could have a framed piece of art which is exactly what should be happening for people like me who are influenced and attracted to poster art as a collectable scene. 

Manchester's Aficionado club night show just how good a poster can look in the house (view from shitter)

Skills from Eoin McManus on the new BBQ poster

(below) One liberated in from Switzerland

This is why I will not be missing out on an exhibition of poster and design work by designer Randy Marsh at Elektrics bar in Chorlton Manchester on Thursday 7^th March. Marsh has consistently produced some fantastic design work to promote the club night’s Wet Play and his Social Boogie Jam Full Beam. Its great to see a design style that is unique and its well worth a look as punters can request larger prints and other tailoring to suit the size you want for that perfect spot in the bog (Or other rooms in your gaff). Students and jobless can grab some cheap reprints and bang em up with blu tac until a full time work place becomes available warranting a clean gaff and framed home for your prints. 

Ace Randy Marsh Poster Circa 2012

And another Marsh belter (My shitty mobile phone camera doesn't do it justice)

(CLICK HERE) For Randy Marsh poster exhibition event page.. Shed loads more designs to see at the event. Dont miss

Il Bosco

Sucker For Italian Beauties

Recently i have been submerged in lots of 80's Boogie records and started to miss the soulful more naive new romantic structure that gives italo its distinct style. So i had a session in the studio to myself and indulged in lots of Adriatic synth wankery. The following are some of the records that really pulled my pud during that late night crate dig

Nemesy – Nemesy LP

ITALO HOLY GRAIL. One of the most sought after albums without a doubt. Reason? Its fukin really good.  I actually bought this for the track ‘24 hours’ but the whole album is brillo. 24 Hours is a beautiful sunset beach of a tune but the production is fantastic on the whole LP and the tracks combine warm 80’s Adriatic disco, phat analogue synth work and soulful naivety to make the perfect summer Italo album. A MUST OWN PIECE. If you’re struggling to find or afford the LP go for the 12” of 24 Hours which has a different version to the album but nearly its equal and is only around £70.00! Suck a few cocks and it’s yours Gee!! Suck 300 cocks and you might be able to afford the album!

Mac Jr – Elephant Song (Instrumental)

Twinkling electro chugger on the classic ‘Disco Magic’ label. The sharp apreggiated synth sounds leap like sparks and are perfect for getting a fire started on the dance floor. Just as your asking “Where is the un-sophisticated element that makes Italo what it is?” In come the synthesised elephant noises!  FUKINWIERD! But brilliant

Esavu - Spelling love (Instrumental)

Sinister graveyard disco bassline. Undead party time ar kid. Bizarrely the instrumental has more lyrics than the vocal! (More likely a printing error).  Does what really good italo does best. Mixes darkness and hope into a bubbling potion that’s initially hard to swallow but you will be glad you did after you let go of what your rules are regarding music. Long stretches of brilliant minimal chug is broken by a typical Italo chorus that drops back straight into where you want it to be. A fantastic cocktail of electronic life and death. “Down in one! Down in one! Down in one!“

Sylvi Foster – Hookey

Dark bulimic euro bizznizz. Evil, Sick and Bad Bad Fukin Bad! Jeeeesus this is soooooooooo Gooooooooood! Cant believe this wasn’t a dark crossover hit. The fantastic dirty bass line, the clean complimentary synth chords and that pop oriented chanting makes for an addictive heady concoction. This seven minute audio crack binge will leave that moorish synthetic taste in your mouth. Cheap and addictive just like the afore mentioned drug

Model 11-29 - Wot Times (Instrumental)

Winner of the cosmic electro smash boogie trophy. If Juan Atkins got Nile Rogers pregnant this is what the doctor would hear through the stethoscope when checking the un-born disco bump. Its mellow techno and disco bass balance each other perfectly resulting in a track that is equally at home in the disco or the chill out zone.  “Shut it Bosco and summarise you waffling cock”. Lasers and Lava Lamps gee! Lasers and Lava Lamps

The Armed Gang – Love Shot

KAPOW! Boogie fans will cream their duds on the first listen no doubt. This is one of the heaviest boogie records around and the original fetches big money between dealers and collectors. The production is second to none as is standard from the brilliant Musix label responsible for the amazing and previously Red Laser reviewed Nite Lite and Wot Times. This spoonful of soulful, warm and squelchy audio sex will be enough to trick your bits into arousal. Hard on’s for the boys and wide on’s for the gals. Cosmic quickie fuck. Had to put the album shot in there too cos the artwork is fukin buzzin

Danny Keith – Keep on Music (Dub)

So simple it’s like a disco retard! The quality of production and the arrangement are the elements that make this track amazing. It really shows off music that can rock a floor with only a few parts making up the track. Its shit like this that makes idiots think making music is easy. To do something so simple and effective is what most producers strive to achieve and only few can execute. Great dance floor builder.

Ghecko Firelight – (Intrumental)

The crystaline intro is completely shattered apart when that super heavy bassline kicks in. This has a great New Romantic feel to it. As with most italo records the vocal side stinks of cheese but the instrumental version is punctuated with just the right amount of catchy camp vocals to make this a classic Italo track. There’s a top re-edit out there by Red Laser man Flemming Dalum too and at a great price so run quick before the dealers bleed your Pay Pal account via a ridiculous re-evaluation.

Il Bosco